The God We Build
Sustained crisis always takes its toll. Until now I have been completely unaware of the effect of repeated assaults on my well-being. There's a numbing effect that in many ways holds me together and protects me as I deal with a crisis. But I am afraid that this numbness has spilled over into other areas of my life and has blocked my ability to completely feel the emotions needed to experience my own healing.
And then there's the age old question, "Where's God in all this?" I don't pretend to have answers for why God does what He does or allows what He allows. There are nursing rooms full of people who will give you their opinion on that question. Yet many things I know He could prevent still happens. I am continually surprised by the events that take place in this world.
Many people in the Bible acknowledged that they were at a loss to explain why God sometimes acts the way He does. The Psalmist wondered if perhaps God was asleep, chiding, "Wake up, O Lord! Why do you sleep? Get up! Do not reject us forever. Why do you look the other way? Why do you ignore our suffering and oppression?" (Psalm 44:23-24)
Jeremiah compared God to an overnight visitor, a stranger in the land who would move on as soon as morning came (Jeremiah 14:8).
Those of us who has been in an extended bad situation can identify with Jeremiah's feelings.
The image that each of us has of God seems to evolve with each passing day, adjusting to whatever experiences we have. But a crisis situation "freezes" this evolution. It's then that our feelings and fears float to the surface as we deal directly with the God we have built.